The Madonna-Whore Complex



The Madonna-Whore Complex, created by sex obsessed Sigmund Freud, is still overly prevalent today. I am not going to use his exact definition because the Madonna can still be sexually desired. However, she is still respected more and desired less than the Whore.


The Madonna is the Woman that you "make love" to and never want to be too wild with. She is viewed with great respect. She's the Mother of your children, sexually reserved, and the Woman you bring home to meet your parents. You can desire Her but you'll never act on any devious fantasies you may have with Her.


The Whore is, well, a Whore. She's sexually liberated and the person you act out your most degrading fantasies with. You don't respect Her, will never date Her, and view Her solely as a sexual object to be used. You just want Her so you can get what you can't bring yourself to get from your Madonna.


In general, men are skilled at compartmentalizing. So much so that some of them can't fathom the fact that a Woman is multidimensional. It's easier to see things as black or white, good or bad, or villain or hero. It's simpler to label a Woman as a Madonna or a Whore and be done with it.


That works out until you realize you desire both the Madonna and the Whore and you've chosen a Madonna who is, or at least you believe is, zero percent Whore. You think it's too late to bring up the less than honorable sexual fantasies that you judge yourself for. She isn't a whore, you tell yourself. Now what? You crave the Whore.


You've become sexually unhappy. Maybe, not all the time but enough that it has become an issue. You crave the things you can't bring yourself to do with your Madonna. You need the oral/anal/humiliation/kink/whatever that you aren't getting from Her. Either because you haven't asked or you brought it up too late and have just learned that that isn't Her cup of tea. You don't want to break up with Her so you're going to have to make it work.


It's been weeks or months since you started obsessively fantasizing. You have been watching more porn. You jerk off more and more. It isn't enough though. The substitutions just don't measure up to the real thing. You're desperate, horny, miserable, and weak.


You cheat. Maybe, it's in the form of sexting. Maybe, it's over video chat. Maybe, it's in person. Maybe, it's with a professional. Maybe, it's with someone that you used to do those things with. Maybe, it's someone new. You tell yourself it was a one time thing. You just needed to get it out of your system. Maybe, you feel guilty and maybe you don't. You don't tell your Madonna though. You aren't an idiot and it'll never happen again.


You may be the rare man who transgresses once and never does again. Perhaps, you and your Madonna can find a compromise and make it work. However, most men will do it again and again and again. Each time it gets a little easier. You may still feel guilty about it but you'll justify it.


Now, you've become a cheater. One who will either get caught or continue to lie about his affairs. Someone who will never have the healthy romantic and sexual relationship that he desires because he wasn't able to see the world as grey and Women as both a Madonna and a Whore. What's worse? You will only have yourself to blame.


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